BUSINESS

 

15 Million Phenixians Can't be Wrong

Those two wonderful guys from the Phenixian Office of Travel and Tourism, Gaston Pèlerin and Alphonse Pèlerin (no kin), pose in from of one of their favorite Fichelin five-star eateries in Cédre, "Le Requin." They would like to see the empty street behind them soon swarming with hungry foreigners from all over the Vex.

FROM THE PASSES OF PANDORA TO THE TIP OF TOUTEFINIE ... They're Happy to Rake in "le Cash"

     The banknotes in your pocket are nearly worthless, life in your capital city has ground practically to a standstill, your country is in political receivership -- so what do you do? Why, you go to work for the new government, of course, even if it is a foreign one, and you try to lure still more foreigners to come to your shores, where they can relax and spend la monnaie.                                    Thus reasoned two brash, energetic young Phenixians, Gaston Pèlerin and Alphonse of the same surname but no immediate family connection. And so, with some modest help from the newly installed Altlandic administration, they revived their country's Office of Travel and Tourism, a unique partnership between state and private enterprise, to put the "phun," as they have a way of pronouncing it, back into Phenixia, at least in the minds of those who do not have to live there year-round.        The Pèlerins' campaign began last week with a press release to go along with the publication of a new official map of their storied land. After reassuring potential visitors about reestablished political stability and the welcoming attitude of Phenixia's inhabitants -- not traditionally their most noteworthy trait -- the pair went on to list the different

delights to be discovered in various parts of their country: the food of Gourmandie and Crétagne, the relaxations of the Côte de Plaisir, and the monuments which have survived from the nation's days of grandeur in its heartland, the Île de Phenixie. They also enthusiastically endorsed the wine and spirits, mentioning several by name, for which Phenixia has in the past been justly famous.             "Already, literally within minutes of the publication of our first press release, we have been inundated with inquiries about holidays in Phenixia!" they later averred. But there was a fly in the ointment of this revived interest in the delights of a holiday in lovely Phenixie: the country's well-established reputation as one of the most costly places in the whole of the Vexillium.                    The intrepid pair met this difficulty head-on in their follow-up press release: "Many ... have expressed concern about the expense.
Apparently the memory of the runaway inflation which contributed to the ruin
of our economy in the months before the collapse of our old government has
lingered in the minds of potential visitors and served but to enhance the legend that ours is an expensive land to live in, let alone visit." Undaunted, they then adopted the unusual defense of citing the country's widespread poverty, something not usually alluded to in Phenixia's polite society: "That is, of course, not true," they continued, "for otherwise how could we have so large a segment of the population living at subsistence level?"		       Nevertheless, the campaign to lure foreign tourists and their cash seems so far to be working. Hotel bookings are up, the croupiers of the Principality of Moines des Casinos report a brisk business, and there is even some talk of reviving the defunct national airline, Air Phenixie as "Air Phun." In fact, Gaston and Alphonse, who like to refer to themselves modestly as "those two wonderful guys" in the tourist office, have become national heroes to many Phenixians, who are overjoyed to be once again scooping in the Christianan Crowns and Altlandic Pende, since they have not been able to exchange their "Phuny muney," as they are wont to call it, for hard currency in over two years. In response to the thusfar modest increase in the purchasing power of the average citizen, stores are once again filling with an adequate stock of goods, many of them imported.      Not all Phenixians, how- ever, are pleased with the pair of Pèlerins' efforts. Albert Altbauer, a farmer from Melasse never reconciled to his region's annexation to Phenixia in the last century, reverts to his native Jerman and calls their campaign by the nearly untranslatable term Bauernfängerei. Altbauer even stands occasionally where tourists cross the border from neighboring Aros and shouts at passing cars bearing foreign license tags: "Gehen Sie, bitte, sofort nach Hause -- die Phenixer sind alle die schlimmste Betrüger!" But no one seems to pay him any heed, and, due mainly to the efforts of the indefatigable Pèlerins, the tourist boom has been well and truly launched.

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